Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I think I just sharted jello shots
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
