I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
