I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
