I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
