Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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