I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
