I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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