i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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