Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
