Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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