Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
