I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
