i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
