Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
