Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Do you remember whose house we're in?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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