I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
