piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You are the jesus of drinking
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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