Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
