If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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