fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
