Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
