Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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