And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
