I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
