dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
