it was like his penis was on wheels.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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