You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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