I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
