if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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