I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
