I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
