look no pants
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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