So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
