How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize