Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
