If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
