Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
