I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
