How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
