No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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