I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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