If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
