Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize