I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
