At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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