I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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