All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
