just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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