i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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