I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
