you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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