My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
