Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
