I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
