peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
