what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
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So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
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I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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