we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
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Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
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Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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