The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
