Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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