My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
