you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
