I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
