Plan B is the new Plan A
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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