My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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