someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
