Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
