u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
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Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
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Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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