Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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