youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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