I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
