i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
