Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
