I wish I could punch you in the face.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you inspire me to be a worse person
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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