I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
