just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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