You're my little dorito
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
